While arguably many of my articles here have been philosophical, and others quite personal in some cases, they aren’t often both. Indeed while you may find me writing about a great many things you’ll discover that I’ve been rather private regarding how I feel about my own writing.
As a career I never imagined it would become what it has. A set of understandings and insights related to finding enlightenment doesn’t immediately lend itself to a logical career path.
In fact I think that being an author is almost tacked on to what I’ve tried to accomplish in some ways.
I worked in sales mostly while growing up, and loved doing that kind of work. I made decent money selling everything from furniture to vacuum cleaners to security systems at one point. I even dabbled in selling electric organs from a little shopping mall in Florida.
I seldom wrote anything to sell, but often found myself helping people with the study of meditation from the perspective of someone who had specific insights on what worked and what didn’t. I was always put off by the idealistic notions of guided meditations and found daydreaming to be an utterly useless exercise. It was easy to spot what got people into bad practices, bad habits, or simply wasn’t understood.
Fortunately my interests were diverse and ranged from the technological to the spiritual in ways that were fairly focused and quite disciplined. I had jobs that I loved and some that I hated with a passion. My only regret in sales was not having a product of my own. Not that I minded selling other people’s products but while I made them big money, I seldom had much to show for it.
My free time was spent making computers work better, even if it meant spending hours and hours taking little breaks to play guitar and think about what was missing.
I occasionally woke up and rushed to change operating systems, simply to test theories about what might be holding back a machine that seemed to need better performance. Then put it all aside to play Star Wars Battlefront 2.
Enlightenment came in different ways at different times. It took a lot of letting go of things that I wanted to change. Accepting things just as they were was a struggle until I let go of that part too.
The hardest part was quieting the narrative in my head when things were going wrong. In fact after writing the first blogs and even the books I felt challenged to not try too hard to perfect everything. I know I’ve left mistakes in some places and I could go crazy trying to fix them all or I could just grin and be patient.
To say nothing of how I feel about my own writing by now feels almost misleading. I guess I have to say it’s rewarding, though often it’s a fine mix of pride and frustration for having done something so permanent and yet never quite being sure how far it will take me.
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Like any other product I know the strengths and weaknesses of it all, I hold no illusions as to quality by comparison to other authors. Sufficient to say that editors are pricey and I’m no Hemmingway, though with the right editing most people wouldn’t bother to compare any two authors.
At best a few of my books saw some slight revision by friends or family as I nodded and said “go ahead and change it then” through gritted teeth. I hate editing because I love commas.
Personally I do like what I write about and enjoy telling stories the way I do. I have some really great fans who make me feel like the real thing even if at best I have no idea how I pulled that off.
I’m a real author but that just sort of happens when you look down and have written books.
I build websites, customize operating systems, fairly simple programs, apps, & someday my products will revolve around that stuff. I guess I feel pretty good about all of that too. My first products were handmade jewelry, leatherwork, and gourmet fudge.
If I had serious money to throw at everything I’d market, advertise, and edit my way to the best seller list. Then do the same with software. As it is I’ll be as likely to be selling furniture again as working alongside people online to get to there from here.
Every book I’ve written has been a top download, and I’ve literally never spent one penny in marketing or advertising. Though time invested was literally exponentially more than most would bother to spend.
But it was important to develop my own products. I’ve built my life up from ruin a few times, and needed something that couldn’t be taken away. I’ve done exactly that through all of this.
My books, are like strange little time capsules. If I pick them up I remember what I was eating when I wrote certain bits. Even the odd phone call changed the direction certain stories were going.
I’ve been asked in interviews what I thought about certain things from a philosophical perspective, or even a tech perspective, and I never mind being in those gears. It just feels like sometimes I’ve left you all out of my processes in ways that maybe weren’t obvious.
I have characters in my books that have coined phrases that I found myself saying almost at the same time to people in emails or on twitter. Is that odd? I sat Zazen during the installation of Linux Mint 17.1 and was writing a blog about Windows 10 tech preview ten minutes later while eating a corndog.
I’m not normal.
I rescue ladybugs that seem dehydrated and characterize my pets to have fake arguments in voices stolen from family guy and aqua teen hunger force. (Cartoons)
I draw a cartoon weasel though, so I get to be like this. Maybe I have to be?
Why mention any of it? Some people want to know this kind of stuff. I might be famous someday and then people will really want to know it. Until then I must wrap this up because it’s 7:30 am and I am just finishing up a Star Trek binge.
So while it isn’t a captains log, it seemed logical.
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